Pyramid Hats

Would you like to experience the power? The power of the pyramids?

Pyramid Hat
(Infant model shown here)


Click here to order yours today!

Do you suffer from any of the following? Fatigue, dry mouth, warts, hypertension, jaundice, hypoglycemia, cracked hair, skin failure, diarrhea, hypotension, crunchy boogers, night sweats, fungal infections, constipation, diabetes, leaky gut syndrome, leaky brain syndrome, gouty teeth, tennis elbow, yellow fever, cold or flu symptoms, unstoppable humming, sucking chest wounds, arthritis, syphillis, green eyes, hirsutism, insomnia, coughs, athlete’s foot, chest pains, general protection faults, hardened arteries, razor burn, appendicitis, irritable bowler syndrome, gum in hair, tendonitis, hay fever, sunburn, dwarfism, tremors, palsy, amputations, lost grooves, photophobia, ambidexterity, blackwater fever, hickeys, kidney failure, necrophilia, dandruff, bulemia, back spasms, satyrism, myopia, depression, shortness of breath, pugilism, androgeny, rabies, small pox, mania, mitosis, scabies, pneumonia, happiness, edema, malaise, flesh-eating bacteria, cramps, tourette’s syndrome, itching, gall stones, myocardial infarctions, ulcers, rampaging hormones, lycanthropy, yawning, cannibalism, or numerous other disorders?

You need suffer no longer! A Pyramid Hat, worn properly, will fix you right up! [1]

Find out more by ordering yours today!

These Pyramid Hats combine ancient Egyptian technologies with modern scientific principles to bring you a miraculous cure for the problems which afflict you! [2]

Why wait? Order one now!

When worn properly, the exact porportions of a Pyramid Hat will focus the spiritual vibrations of the ancient Egyptian gods straight into the hypothalamus. Recent research proves that this particular area of the brain micromanages the entire body through the glands and ducts of the cardio-limbic system. The healing vibrations of the ancient Egyptians tunes and redirects the pulses of the alpha and beta waves produced by the hypothalamus, thus, through the cardio-limbic system, tunes and harmonizes the entire body, thereby promoting optimal health and well-being. Triple-blinded, doubly-randomized clinical trials performed at a major American university prove it! [3]

Want to learn more? Place your order!

Why haven’t you heard of the Pyramid Hat before? For the same reason you may not hear about it for much longer: as soon as the Government finds out where this web site is, they’ll shut it down. The FDA is in the pocket of the doctors, who are in turn in the pocket of the pharmaceutical companies, whose lifeblood is new unnatural drugs developed by research scientists. All of these people realize that the Pyramid Hat will put them all out of the business of keeping us sick, so they will stop at nothing to shut me down. [4]

I may be dead next week, so order one right now!

Consider the heartbreaking story of little Timmy S., who, during a spirited game of hide-and-go-seek, suffered a slight groin pull. His wise mother had him wear a Pyramid Hat, against Timmy’s will (his fellow school children were simply cruel about the Hat), and in just a few days he was skipping and jumping again!

Or Madeline T., who lost her left hand in a horrific automotive accident. After just three months wearing her Pyramid Hat (not an easy job — she is left-handed), her missing appendage grew back! Unfortunately, with such serious problems, Madeline must wear her Pyramid Hat at least twice a week as a so-called “maintenance” treatment, but it’s a small price to pay for a new hand, is it not?

Thousands of others have had similar results! [5]

Who can argue with results like these? Begin your recovery today!

Until others shake off the chains of suppression (see above), you can only order Pyramid Hats from this site. As I cannot tell when my little operation here will be terminated, I can only accept certified checks or money orders. I will ship your Pyramid Hat to you as soon as I receive your payment. I understand this may seem like a big risk, but think about what I’m risking to bring this miracle to you! [6]

Take a chance for a better life! Order Now!

And yes, if you’re not completely satisfied, I will refund your money (except for shipping and handling, plus a small restocking fee). Only once has anyone even asked for their money back, and it was the widow of a gentleman who was too far gone for the Hat to do any good (the Pyramid Hat will not ressurect the dead). With a guarantee like this, your risk is actually quite small! [7]

Read more and order today!

And yes, the rumors you’ve heard are correct! The Pyramid Hat is Internet Flameproof. When you’re online reading the horrible things others have written about you or to you, your Pyramid Hat will not be harmed in any way. It’s guaranteed!

Well, if you’ve read this far, you may as well read more!